Friday, June 8, 2007

jesse

today at the ymca i was lifting weights. i looked up and there was a high school kid who reminded me so much of my brother jesse. it was so hard to see him. he had a runner's body and a determined look on his face. i miss my brother so much. i miss all the things about him. i miss his presence. i miss his jokes and commentary. i miss his sensitivity and his choice of words. i miss his exuberance for life and people. i miss his love for his family and our children. i miss eating with him and cooking for him. i miss his homemade cookies. i miss watching movies with him and laughing about things with him. i miss his affection. i miss his presence with my parents.

i was remembering when i found out that he only had 3 weeks to live. i came and sat down on the couch with him and i just said i don't want you to die. what am i going to do if you die? i could see that he wanted to make it better for me. but i knew... i knew that he wanted to be with jesus. i knew that he was looking for the end to his suffering and a beginning of the Greater Story. so what am i doing now, that my dear sweet baby brother has gone on to be with Jesus? i miss him. sometimes i don't cry for weeks. other times everything reminds me of him. i weep for my dear parents and my two other brothers. i weep for all the "could haves" like him graduating from my alma mater VES. (that was 2 weeks ago that he would have been graduating). i weep b/c ransom (who looks like jesse) will never know him (until he reaches heaven). i weep b/c my brother dwight lost his best friend.

remember esther - a blink of an eye...

Summer Time

its been such a nice few weeks here in southern new england. aquidneck island is gorgeous. i will be posting some pictures from around town and our home to showcase the flora which abounds. spring and summer are looking so short and i still remember and can feel the chill of the dark, damp, frigid winter. but i am trying to just take in each day. we don't always have hot days. right now its foggy and a bit damp. but i like hearing the fog horns, which warn sailors. i love hearing the church bells of st. john the evangelist over on the Point. i love knowing that we are so close to the sea. newport truly is a wonderful place to live.

my folks came up last weekend and my mom and i went to chaves' nursery. they treated us to a bunch of herbs and flowers for our container garden. so the other day i did a bunch of weeding (which i am still sore from!) and planted the tomatos and the pumpkins. i also planted all the flowers and herbs in pots. my neighbhor annie sent over too pots she had beautifully filled. those are sitting on our front porch. i plan on doing more weeding and more planting soon, maybe when we have a little extra money. i truly love being outside and making progress in my garden. i know i need to get some of poet lucy shaw's work b/c she has written on gardening and knowing God and the relationship between the Creator and his creation.

we have several birthday parties coming up this weekend - one is even at the easton's beach carousel. the kids and i are really enjoying the friendships we are making through our mom's club play group. the lord is so good to provide for us. we went to roger william's zoo this past thursday with several moms. it was so so much fun. but i do miss the san diego zoo. i could take a vacation in the zoo. i also miss balboa park fountain and the prado.

i want to go to the beach soon but we'll have to wait for some warmer weather. i am also excited about berry picking and more newport cultural activities. the tall ships are coming soon!!!